Therapy for Loneliness in New York City
Loneliness is Real — Especially in a City of Millions
Loneliness can feel like an invisible weight — persistent yet difficult to describe to others. In a city as vibrant and populous as New York, this disconnect can feel particularly jarring.
Maybe you find yourself in a crowded room yet feeling invisible and disconnected, or lying awake at night with thoughts you can't share with anyone. Perhaps you've built walls to protect yourself, only to find those very walls have kept meaningful connection at bay.
You doom scroll, binge, game, or gamble to fill the emptiness, only to find yourself retreating further into isolation. You find yourself comparing your life to others and feeling behind and irrelevant. You yearn for deeper connections but, caught in unconscious patterns that keep repeating despite your best intentions, hesitate to reach out. You want closeness, but aren't sure how to begin or where to find new connections. You miss the camaraderie and strong support network you once had with friends and family and wonder if it isn’t too late to reconnect. And yet, sometimes you aren’t even sure whatever you are feeling counts. Maybe you have relationships, even “close” friends and an “intimate” partner, but you feel oddly alone and lonely in those relationships. Or, perhaps you’re someone who has always felt lonely, but wants to try to finally find some way of connecting with others, and feel a sense of belonging.
However loneliness shows up in your life, know that it isn't a character flaw or something to just push through. It's often a signal — one worth understanding with care. Through psychotherapy, be it at my private practice in Midtown Manhattan or online, I can help you connect and reconnect with others, and with yourself.
Meet Dr. Gottdiener
- PhD psychologist with 25+ years offering specialized therapy for individuals navigating loneliness and isolation
- Board-certified specialist in psychoanalytic & psychodynamic psychology, psychoanalysis, and addiction psychology
- Professor & former director of doctoral program in clinical psychology at CUNY
- Both in-person (Midtown Manhattan) and telehealth options available
My approach to treating loneliness
As a board-certified psychologist with over 25 years of experience, I've worked with people across the spectrum of life experiences. From students navigating academic pressures to professionals balancing career demands, from parents managing family dynamics to creative individuals seeking authentic expression. Anyone can feel lonely, and I've found that loneliness is often more complex than it appears.
My practice is grounded in psychodynamic therapy, which views loneliness not simply as a lack of social connection, but often as a symptom of deeper emotional patterns. Many people try practical steps like joining groups or practicing social skills—valuable tools, certainly—but I've found that lasting change requires understanding the unconscious patterns that maintain isolation, that prevent people from being their true self.
Most psychological problems are not only internal, but also interpersonal. I help people recognize how self-deception keeps them unaware of their true feelings and what they want in relation to others. This awareness is the foundation for authentic connection.
My approach integrates my clinical experience with my research and teaching as professor of psychology at the City University of New York. This combination allows me to offer treatment that is both evidence-based and deeply personalized to your specific circumstances.
How therapy helps with loneliness and isolation
Loneliness often comes with patterns of self-deception—subtle ways we numb, avoid, or tell ourselves we're fine when we're not.
I approach our conversations with honesty, directness, and genuine compassion. Our discussions will explore your whole life context, not just isolated symptoms.
First, we begin with understanding your unique experience of loneliness. In our initial sessions, I'll listen carefully to understand not just your current struggles, but the life experiences that have shaped your approach to relationships. I provide a safe space where you can speak openly without judgment.
As therapy continues, we'll work together to slow down and get in touch with what you're really feeling beneath the loneliness. We'll help you articulate what you want and need from others, examine how you've learned to cope with disconnection and whether those strategies still serve you, and develop greater honesty with yourself, even in ways that feel challenging at first.
From there, it becomes easier to move toward connection.
Over and over in my decades of clinical work, I've found that most people already possess the capacity for connection, even when it feels absolutely out of reach.
Is psychodynamic therapy right for your loneliness?
This approach is particularly helpful if you experience:
- Chronic loneliness that hasn't improved with other approaches or life changes
- Recurring relationship patterns—always feeling like the outsider, attracting unavailable people, or struggling with intimacy once you get close
- Attachment difficulties—either clinging too tightly or keeping everyone at a distance
- Fear of being truly known—worrying that people would reject the "real" you
- Emotional numbness or difficulty accessing what you actually want from relationships
- Family history of relationship struggles, isolation, or emotional unavailability
If loneliness feels tied to deeper questions about who you are and how you relate to others, psychodynamic psychotherapy can help you understand and change these unconscious patterns.
What to expect
Over time, patients I work with typically notice less anxiety, stress, and overwhelm in their daily lives. They develop greater tolerance for difficult emotions, and loneliness becomes something they can sit with, not escape from.
As therapy progresses, my clients gain a clearer understanding of their relationship patterns and where they want to grow. They show more willingness to take emotional risks, such as making new friends, dating, or reconnecting with people they've lost touch with. Perhaps most importantly, they develop a growing sense of self-compassion and confidence that supports them in building the connections they truly want.
Let's talk about your loneliness
You don't have to figure this out on your own. Reaching out for support is a powerful act of self-care and the beginning of change.
Whether you're just starting to explore therapy or you've been thinking about it for a while, I offer an initial 15-minute consultation so we can talk, get a sense of fit, and decide what next steps feel right.
Or, read on for some common questions people often ask:
Is therapy for loneliness really effective?
Yes. Rather than just a feeling, loneliness is often a sign of disconnection between your emotions, your needs, and the relationships in your life. Psychodynamic therapy can help bridge that gap by addressing the underlying causes that led to the surface symptoms.
What if I've been feeling this way for a long time?
Many people I work with have struggled with loneliness for years. There's no wrong time to start understanding what you need, and there is no better time than now.
What if I'm not sure therapy is right for me?
That's what the consultation is for. We'll talk for 15 minutes, and if I'm not the right fit for you, I'll do my best to suggest alternatives or refer you to someone who might be.
How long will therapy take before I feel less lonely?
Therapy is a highly individualized process, and there's no predetermined timeline. Many clients report feeling a sense of relief and hope after just a few sessions, simply from having their experience truly understood. The deeper work of changing long standing patterns typically unfolds over months, with improvements in relationships often noticed along the way.
Will you tell me what to do to be less lonely?
Rather than prescribing specific actions, we'll work together to understand what's keeping you feeling disconnected. As you gain insight into unconscious patterns, you'll naturally begin to make choices that allow for more authentic connection. The goal isn't just to reduce loneliness temporarily, but to help you develop the capacity for meaningful relationships that sustain you over time.
Why is therapy a good way to deal with loneliness, instead of doing it on my own?
Loneliness is an interpersonal problem. The best way to address interpersonal problems is, therefore, interpersonally. Therapy gives clients a chance to see what causes their inhibitions about expressing their feelings—being themselves–in real time with a therapist.
Is it normal to feel anxious about starting therapy for loneliness?
Absolutely. Seeking help for loneliness often means acknowledging a deeply personal pain, which takes courage. Additionally, the prospect of developing a new relationship—even a therapeutic one—can trigger the very anxieties that may contribute to feeling lonely in the first place. We'll approach these feelings with compassion and use them as valuable information in our work together.